Hn. . . .
Well before I get on with this rant of mine, let me ask a question at first. Have anyone ever meant someone who has ever said that they dislike there Birthday? Or seem somewhat depress a bit what should be a happy day for them?
If not, well now you can say that you have. Yup. . .that's me.
Im not sure if its a bad thing to hate your own birthday. . .erm. . . or I should say 'dislike' since hate is such a strong word to use.
I was never one to be happy about that day, to me it's just a painful memory that always come every year and cannot be avoided. As try as I might to try to no think about, its burned in the back of my mind that seem to never leave me.
What is it that you might ask that makes me 'dislike' my birthday so much. To me what seem to be a day of happiness is just a day to remind me of someone that was important to my family but past away. . . the day that my father died.
October 24. . .the day I was born was the day that my father was taken away from us. I always thought that it was my fault that he died, thinking that maybe If I wasn't born that he might still be with my mother and sister's to this day. Every year I blame myself for this. . . I always visit his grave on that day and tell him that Im sorry. . .sorry that I took his life away.
I always wonder what life would be without me here and if my father was alive instead. Would my family be happy with him around instead of me? Would it be better that I was the one never in this world to begin with?
I try my best to think that it wasn't me but in my head and can't help but think it was.
My mother tells me that I'm not the only one who suffer from this, that there is probably another out there with the same pain as me.
This is the reason why I share this on my journal. I'm not out trying to get sympathy from my friends nor attention. I want to know if there really is someone who has the same problem as me, I wish to find another like me. Someone who can alt east really know and understand what I go thru and maybe know how they deal with this kind of thing.
I just want to know it what she says is true.
I'm not sure if this is a selfish thing to do but I just want to know that I'm not the only one in this world who lost someone dear to them on a day like mine.
Anyways, I hope that I did not waste no one's time with this silly story of mine. But. . .if there is someone. . .like me. . .please tell me. . .it just something I want to know if its real or not.
Anyway, take care my friends. Have a great day ahead of you all and I hope that you day goes well and safe.
Take care my friends, this is TwilightSin. . .out
-TwlightSin
Awsome Peeps here at DA:
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Out of the hospital . . . Again >.>
Tired
Delighted
Gloomy
